A Desire for The Great Letdown…Adoption
It has been awhile since my last post and Megan has asked me to catch you up on the last two months. We decided to apply to join an adoption agency at the beginning of November when I felt the pull to look at that particular agencies site and saw there were two openings. This was a Monday night. By Wednesday afternoon the agency had contacted me to set up an interview for the following Tuesday and the nervous wait began.
Angel Adoptions is based out Illinois so our interview was over the phone, during Steve’s lunch break(my husband), so we sat in his lunch area, on speaker phone and had an hour long conversation with one of the starters of this wonderful agency. It was a great conversation and we hung up the phone feeling, still nervous, but a little more excited than we had when we began the call. Thursday of that week, just before 4pm, I received the email we had been waiting for…and it was a YES! They accepted us and want to help us bring home a baby of our very own!! I read the email over and over, called my mom (laughing and crying!) and called Steve to give him the news. Elated we began applying for a loan immediately to cover the agency fee, home study and lawyer fees we expect to need to cover.
When, after two weeks of trying, we conceited that no one will give us a loan right now I was crushed. It felt in that moment as though I had lost another baby and I cried on and off for two days. They don’t like all the things we are paying on right now, and I respect that but we have four big things nearly paid off…so now we pay things off and we reapply. It is frustrating to know that because of money we are being put on hold to hold a baby in our arms.
My sister opened up a PayPal account to try and raise money toward our adopting but nothing has come into that account yet. I have become a Tupperware consultant to earn more money on a flexible schedule, but that has been very slow going and I have made very little. Steve has had two job interviews in the last two months in an effort to get a better paying job, nothing yet.
Our friends and family have gathered around us and have began giving us or telling us they are saving for us their baby’s items as they finish with them. The family I nanny for gave us their bassinet over the weekend and so it sits in our bedroom with the diaper bag I purchased after our acceptance and the onsies, cloth diapers, blankets, etc that my parents gave us for Christmas – “so you have something to get started.” It is exciting and heart wrenching somehow. Another friend is planning to hold a garage sale this spring and give us all the proceeds, we have a couple of other friends, and us, providing product for that sale.
During all of this I have decided that I desperately want to breastfeed our baby so I have began the process to re lactate. Of course I became ill the week after I started the nipple and aerola massage and then the holidays happened, with travel involved, so I got away from a great though painful week of massage. I purchased and have continued taking Fenugreek and Goat’s Rue, both highly recommended for re lactating women. I am reading Mother Food by Hilary Jacobson right now and she has some great pointers. This week I begin again. The thought being able to breastfeed our baby is just so wonderful. I hope and pray that it works!
Emotionally, I am all over the place right now with this – nothing happening, other than bills that were going to get paid getting paid off…the longing and desire has not cooled, even with the Minnesota weather. In recent weeks we have had two potential “offers” brought to us by friends of friends about babied they aren’t certain they want to keep, but I have refused to get excited about these situations, especially when there has been no follow up in either situation. A situation like this would eliminate the adoption agency fee, which would be a blessing in and of itself.
We just want to be parents. We just want to be Mommy and Daddy. We are so close and yet so far from our goal…I pray daily, cry often, wonder constantly. How? When?
Cost with Angel Adoption:
Agency Fee: $14,200
Home Study: $1,500-2,500
A note from Megan
As my best friend Joni is someone I know wants to be a mommy more then anything, she has a way with children that I cant even explain. No matter the problem with a child she can solve it. This is something she is destine to be...A Mother.... She is the most kind hearted, whole hearted, caring, compassionate, truthful person I know and a friend to be so proud to call mine. Please keep your prayers open for a financial miracle as they need it. I am hoping to set up a fund for her so we get closer to bringing a baby home of their very own!