Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Married Fat

They say that when you become comfortable in a relationship that you will gain weight. Well when my husband and I started dating I actually did, but not because I was comfortable but because the way to my heart is food and he knew that.

Here is where I am struggling now. When I was younger, because I couldn't do anything or go anywhere I eat my emotions (still do) so I sat and stuffed myself till I realized I didn't have any jeans to wear and my bathing suit no longer fit. I was embarrassed that I allowed myself to get that way, and my step mom started to call me lazy and fat. I really hated when she called me that, mostly when she called me lazy as I was nothing of the sort. All she did was sit at home all day on AOL chat rooms and stuff her face while watching soaps. So its safe to say I was not the fat and lazy one, she was, I was just getting fat. I lost all that weight by getting out and running as well as not eating the fattening foods that she forced upon the family. I took extra shifts at work to get my own groceries. Then comes my graduation year and low and behold I was FAT again! Others may not have felt that way but I was, I am only 5'1" for Pete's sake. 

When I moved away from home to the place that I call "home" now. Well those people don't eat junk, and that is all that was in my step moms home. Steve and Sharon knew that I was overweight and that I was not happy about it. Sharon is this tiny little thing and I wanted to be tiny again. So I worked a lot and fed my body good things, they both supported me all the time and no matter the outcome they would love me! I worked out twice a day just in my bedroom. I got down to a size two and it was amazing it was so easy to do with them supporting me and having good food around you. 

Going forward a bit, when Dustin and I were getting serious I did put a few pounds on my jeans still fit, it was when I got pregnant with my first that my problems began. During my pregnancy with Emma I had a lot of health issues and I couldn't stop that and due to those health issues my normal pregnant weight gain doubled to a grand total of 97lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was mortified! But after Emma I felt like it didn't take much to get decent. I was no size two a year later but I felt ok with were I was. Personally I don't think that a size two will ever happen again after two kids. With Jack I only gained the recommended 35lbs that my doctor said. I thought wow I could loose this like its nothing. WRONG! I still a year almost later cant get into my pre-pregnancy jeans. I am so bothered by what I know is under my clothes. My girlfriend and I got this bright idea that taking a picture of our bodies side, front and back profile in our bra and panties. Let me tell you something...WORST IDEA EVER! My husband didn't get to see my naked for months! I didn't allow him when I was changing, noting. I couldn't believe that I allowed myself get this way. I want to feel good fro myself, for my self esteem that I no longer have and to be healthy for my children.

According to the BMI scale I am in the "obese" category. I have a 30.2 BMI. I am on a mission to loose 40 pounds! I know that I can do its, but I am reaching out to you, my readers to see if I can get your support. I will be posting my journey to loose weight, remind me if I forget. I need to do this for me and for my family as there is no reason to be so FAT! I know that I just had a child a year ago, but I wont allow myself to take that excuse. So lets see how this goes and Ill keep you posted!

I am on the RIGHT in the pink, look at me and my cuteness :)

These are me now, actually I just took them. now looking at them I am even more mortified by my body.  I know that I am not grotesquely obese but I am only going to get worse, if I don't do something. So my life will change and soon, we are moving to a new town and a a new place with great walking trails so I am excited to chance my life. If only my stretch marks would disappear as the pounds go. Here is a toast to the start of my journey June 14th 2011 shall be my start date.

Height: 5' 1"
Weight: 160lbs
Age: 24
Goal: 40lbs gone. 

If you wish to go on this journey with me Post your story and lets do this!!!


Giant Sis said...

Megan - Best wishes on your journey! I hope you can find people to support you along your way, as I know that is usually what helps me out the most! I too am on a mission to lose weight - my first milestone is 25 pounds - which would get me to where I was 2 years ago when I got in better shape (sad that I gained it all back). I've also learned to set rewards for myself along the way - things that are important to me. Like my reward for 25 pounds will be a trip to the Bahamas (travel is my favorite thing). So now, on the days when I am not THAT motivated, I just think "Bahamas, Bahamas... get up and work out!" It's working for me so far! I think comparing yourself to your pre-baby body might be a little harsh and unrealistic - just don't get discouraged by it. I hope you find little successes to celebrate too (like working out 5 out of 7 days - or whatever your goal is). I would NOT recommend weighing yourself all the time - it's too easy to get discouraged by a slight gain here or there. Good luck and I know you can succeed!

Joni said...

You are beautiful, inside and out!! You're goal seems very reasonable and I support you 110%!!

Cari said...

I applaud you girl for posting the pics. That is something I would never have the courage to do. But I get it, you are making yourself accountable. I'm glad you are losing the weight for yourself. You are such a beautiful soul. I'm right here to support you!

Aerie-el said...

So sorry to hear of your struggles with your stepmother. I just don't understand how someone can treat a person that way. But you were strong and overcame the obstacles, just as you can do with this challenge to get back to a healthy body. Supporting your journey all the way!

FreeIndeed said...

Wow, you're soo brave to post your photos. You CAN do it! Keep us posted:)

Frugal in WV said...

Good luck with the weight loss, you are braver than me for posting photos! I had a harder time losing the weight after my second also. Between my two boys I've been breasfeeding for 5 straight years, so I'm hoping that the last few pounds will go away after the youngest weans. I think your goals sounds great, look forward to ready about your journey! New follower from bloggy moms, you can find me at

Life by Cynthia said...

Megan, I'll be cheering you on! I understand what you are going through. I think that you're awesome.

I wanted to share some of my posts.
The Skinny
8 lbs 3 oz

Good luck to you on your journey! I have 3 more to go for pre-pregnancy. Another 15 to get tot he pre-marriage weight.

kmogilevski said...

Megan, you can do this!!! You know what you need to do and you sound like you're determined. Don't think about it as dieting, it's lifestyle change. I was fat in high school and college, but right after I graduated, I dropped 55 pounds over 2 years and have kept it off for 5 years now. I do exercise, but a lot less. Just think of what you can do to burn some extra calories. We are here for you!

Dana West said...

I am catching this a day late, but I am with you! I have been married 8 years now and have 3 kiddos. I maintained a great weight (130 is good for me) before and after the first 2. Then came pregnancy 3. I gained a 50lbs during the pregnancy and have continued the gain...ugh. I am now a whopping 70lbs over my goal weight...you do the math. I have to do something NOW. For myself and for my family. I am excited to see someone on the same journey and can't wait to see the outcome. Thanks for sharing!

Hippie Rachel said...

I hope your journey brings you happiness and your love for yourself grows as your body shrinks. Try not to be as worried about your size as you are about your outlook. I'm probably about your size. While I haven't given up on myself, I've learned to accept that I'm never going to have my 20 year old wedding dress body again. My children scarred my hips forever. Wishing you health and happiness!

Amy said...

ditto what you said! I officially put myself on a diet a couple of weeks ago...I've reached that same place of I. MUST. DO. SOMETHING. NOW! I needed to read this today it encourages me to continue taking care of myself. I've never allowed myself to get this over weight! Comforts of relationship, kids, quit smoking and stay at home mom snacker has caught up with me but like you said I CANNOT allow excuses to get in my way.

THANK YOU so much for sharing so openly and honestly!!!

Megan Rockenbach said...

You are more then welcome Amy!

faithfullyurs said...

megan, I would so be joining you if I wasn't pregnant. I am built very similar to you. hopefully after baby I can follow i.e. your footsteps and lose all baby weight plus 20. keep it up your a great inspiration.

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